The Leadership Myth No One Told Us About

There’s a quiet expectation placed on educational leaders that no one ever says out loud—but everyone seems to believe.

That if you’re doing it “right,” you’ll have it all together.

You’ll be calm. You’ll be confident. You’ll have answers. You’ll be steady, even when everything else feels like it’s spinning.

And if you don’t?

Well… maybe you just aren’t cut out for leadership.

That’s the myth.

And December has a way of exposing just how heavy that myth really is.

The Myth of “Having It All Together”

Somewhere along the way, leadership became synonymous with composure.

We learned to hold our coffee mugs a little steadier in meetings. We learned how to nod thoughtfully while carrying uncertainty. We learned how to absorb emotion without letting it show.

But here’s the truth they never warned us about:

Strong leaders still get tired. Capable leaders still feel overwhelmed. Faithful leaders still question themselves.

Having it “all together” was never the goal—it was just the armor.

And armor gets heavy when you wear it every day.

Especially when you care deeply.

Why December Is Uniquely Heavy for Principals

December isn’t just the end of a calendar year—it’s the culmination of everything you’ve been holding since August.

It’s unfinished initiatives. It’s data reviews layered on top of holiday events. It’s student needs that don’t pause for celebrations. It’s staff exhaustion, family stress, and expectations that somehow increase as the year winds down.

And for principals, December is often quiet in the loneliest way.

You’re holding:

• Your staff’s morale

• Your students’ needs

• Your community’s expectations

• Your own family and personal responsibilities

All while trying to finish strong.

No one teaches you how emotionally expensive December leadership can be. You just learn it—year after year—by surviving it.

Burnout vs. Compassion Fatigue (And Why the Difference Matters)

We often label every form of exhaustion as burnout—but not all tired is the same.

Burnout comes from chronic overload without relief. Compassion fatigue comes from caring deeply, consistently, and empathetically—especially when the needs never seem to stop.

Many school leaders aren’t burned out because they don’t love their work.

They’re tired because they do.

They’ve shown up for hard conversations. They’ve absorbed fear, grief, frustration, and disappointment. They’ve made decisions that weren’t popular but were necessary.

That kind of leadership costs something.

And ignoring that cost doesn’t make you stronger—it makes you depleted.

Why Rest Is a Leadership Strategy (Not a Weakness)

Let’s name something clearly:

Rest is not quitting. Rest is not disengaging. Rest is not a lack of commitment.

Rest is a strategy for sustainability.

When leaders rest:

• They make clearer decisions

• They respond instead of react

• They model healthy behavior for their staff

• They protect the longevity of their impact

  
  

A rested leader leads with discernment. A depleted leader leads in survival mode.

If we want schools filled with emotionally healthy adults and resilient students, then leaders must be brave enough to rest—without guilt.

Yes, even now. Especially now.

Closing the Year with Courage, Not Guilt

As the year comes to a close, many leaders feel pressure to “finish strong” in a way that ignores the human cost of the journey.

But courage doesn’t always look like pushing through.

Sometimes courage looks like:

• Pausing instead of pushing

• Reflecting instead of rushing

• Releasing what you were never meant to carry alone

  
  

You don’t need to prove anything by ending the year exhausted.

You’ve already proven your commitment by showing up—day after day—through complexity, challenge, and care.

So, as you close this year, I invite you to do it differently.

Close it with honesty. Close it with grace. Close it with courage.

The kind that allows you to set the armor down…and pick yourself back up.

With a latte in hand ☕️and permission to breathe.

A Final Word

If this resonated with you, it’s likely because you’re not alone.

And if you know a leader who carried a heavy load this year—one who showed up quietly, faithfully, and courageously—

Share this with them.

Sometimes leadership doesn’t need another strategy.

It just needs to be seen.

☕️ Leadership With a Latte

Where courage, clarity, and care meet the work of leadership