Active Listening — The Brew Behind True Leadership

There’s something almost sacred about the first sip of coffee in the morning — that pause, that inhale, that connection to the present moment. As leaders, we often need that same kind of pause... not just to wake up, but to truly listen.

In my years of leading, mentoring, and coaching, I’ve come to realize that active listening isn’t a "soft skill" — it’s a leadership superpower. And like the best cup of coffee, it requires attention, patience, and a willingness to savor the experience — even when it’s a little bitter.

The Tough Conversations: Brewing Courage

I’ve been in the thick of many difficult workplace conversations — from offering critical feedback to receiving it when I least expected. If you've ever been on the receiving end of surprise feedback (especially in front of others), you know that it can hit harder than an unfiltered espresso shot. It's uncomfortable. It's humbling. And it's essential.

In Cup of Courage: The Key to Leading with Grace and Grit, I wrote:

"True leadership isn't about having all the answers — it's about creating a culture where every voice matters, and every ear is open."

Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do as leaders is to sit in the discomfort, breathe, and listen without defense. It’s tempting to jump into solution mode or to react emotionally, but leadership isn’t about being right — it’s about being real.

When Feedback Comes at You Unexpectedly

Let’s be honest: We don't always get a calendar invite saying, "Hey, I'd like to give you tough feedback at 3:15 PM."

Here’s what I’ve learned:

🔹 Stay Grounded: When feedback catches you off-guard, anchor yourself. Take a deep breath, plant your feet on the ground (literally!), and pause before responding.

🔹 Default to Curiosity, Not Defensiveness: Instead of reacting with, "That's not fair," ask internally, "What can I learn from this?"

🔹 Model Vulnerability: It’s powerful to say, "Thank you for sharing this feedback. I’d love to process it and revisit it with you soon or explore ways we can improve."It shows strength, not weakness, to need time to reflect.

🔹 Protect Professionalism: If feedback comes in public, redirect gently: “Thank you for bringing that up. Let’s set aside time to dive into it more thoughtfully."

These strategies allow us to preserve dignity — ours and theirs.

Building a Culture Where People Actually Speak Up

One of the biggest leadership myths? That we must have all the answers.

Newsflash: Your staff doesn’t need a superhero. They need a human.

Psychological safety — the feeling that people can speak openly without fear of embarrassment or retaliation — is the foundation of any strong team (Edmondson, 1999).

Here’s how to brew it:

☕ Regular Feedback Routines: Host casual "Coffee & Conversation" sessions or meetings where feedback is expected, and comfortable.

☕ Normalize Feedback: Talk openly about feedback as a gift — not a weapon.

☕ Reward Courageous Conversations: When someone shares tough feedback respectfully, celebrate it. (Think: shoutouts at staff meetings, thank-you notes, etc.)

☕ Lead With Transparency: Share when you’ve made adjustments based on team input.“After hearing feedback from staff, we’re piloting a new meeting structure starting next month.”

Leveraging Vulnerability for Growth

In Cup of Courage, I talk about the "Latte Lesson of Leadership" —

"You can’t pour courage into others if your own cup is empty of humility."

Vulnerability isn't just about admitting mistakes; it’s about inviting others into the process of improvement.

When leaders model openness, it creates a ripple effect. Your team will:

✅ Innovate faster✅ Trust deeper✅ Handle setbacks better✅ Stick around longer

Harvard Business Review backs this up, showing that leaders who model vulnerability build significantly stronger and more resilient teams (HBR, 2020).

Espresso Shots: Quick Takeaways for Leaders ☕

⚡ Listen More Than You Speak. Aim for a 70/30 listening-to-speaking ratio in feedback conversations.

⚡ Ask Clarifying Questions.“What I’m hearing is ____. Did I get that right?”

⚡ Say Thank You. Even if feedback stings, end with, "Thank you for sharing that with me."

⚡ Create Private Channels. Have a designated way for staff to give feedback privately — scheduled one-on-ones, etc.

⚡ Keep the Long Game in Mind. Not every piece of feedback needs immediate action. Some things need reflection, discussion, and careful brewing.

Sip, Reflect, Lead ☕

Leadership is a lot like brewing the perfect cup —It’s messy. It’s an art. And when you do it with care, it fills everyone’s cup, including your own.

So today, slow down. Take a sip. Open your ears, open your heart. You don't have to have all the answers — you just have to be willing to listen.

☕Because leadership — like coffee — is best when it's brewed with patience, courage, and heart.

With grace and grit,

Julianne